Another year gone.
2010 has been one of the most eventful years in my life so far, for many reasons. Looking back, it might be the most tear-filled year ever. I've had so many reasons to cry, and I spent so long just living life day by day, trying to last until the end of the week.
It's been hard. Not impossible, but hard, and it's changed me so much as a person. Sometimes I find pictures of myself a few months ago, and when I look inside myself to catch a glimpse of that person... She's not there. I'm certainly stronger, more level headed. I think I've lost a bit of my dare-devil streak, which is both saddening and good at the same time.
I used to just dive off the deep end, fling myself forward with my eyes closed and just trust my instincts. I guess now I've learnt to think more. I've seen the consequences of not thinking, and I've learnt a lesson. Think twice before you act.
I'm hoping 2011 is better than 2010. It has to be.
2011 will be the year I turn 16, finish my compulsory education, start college, and perhaps the year my parents divorce will finally be filed and I'll have to move house. It's sure to be full of ups and downs, but that's just life. Life is for living, so I'm not afraid of the future. I'm kind of welcoming it.
My friends are saying that 2011 is just the same shit, but different digits. There's a seed of truth in this, I suppose. But looking at that is rather grim, don't you think?
Anyway.
My new years resolutions for 2011; Keep my head, and stay on the road that I want to be on. Make the right decisions for me, not other people. Don't be a sheep.
Ciao, guys. It's time to PARTAYYYY.
K x
Friday 31 December 2010
Friday 24 December 2010
Ohhh.
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.
Yabudabudaaaaaaaa.
Hyper much? Yes. Extremely. I'm like a 5 year old on sugar. MWAHAHAAA.
Might dump this '30 day letter challenge' thingy-ma-bobby. I ceebs with it, even though I'm halfway through and usually I HATE not finishing things. Eesh. It's like a phobia. But anyway, yeah... might dump it. It's a pain in my ass.
But guess what? Might be starting the 365 Day Challenge, when new year rolls around of course. You either have to take a photo a day, draw a sketch a day, or write a poem a day. Or something. Since I can do all of those, it's going to be hard choosing which I do. Photo's would be good, I guess.. I could put them all into an album and it'd be like WOAH, THAT'S A WHOLE YEAR.
Yep.
So, erm. I'll see you guys soon? Ish? Maybe?
Yep.
Yabudabudaaaaaaaa.
Hyper much? Yes. Extremely. I'm like a 5 year old on sugar. MWAHAHAAA.
Might dump this '30 day letter challenge' thingy-ma-bobby. I ceebs with it, even though I'm halfway through and usually I HATE not finishing things. Eesh. It's like a phobia. But anyway, yeah... might dump it. It's a pain in my ass.
But guess what? Might be starting the 365 Day Challenge, when new year rolls around of course. You either have to take a photo a day, draw a sketch a day, or write a poem a day. Or something. Since I can do all of those, it's going to be hard choosing which I do. Photo's would be good, I guess.. I could put them all into an album and it'd be like WOAH, THAT'S A WHOLE YEAR.
Yep.
So, erm. I'll see you guys soon? Ish? Maybe?
Yep.
That's an example of some randomers 365 project, just though i'd shove it on here. Make it a bit more interesting, since I'm well aware I'm being boring right now. HAAA.
Guess being boring on here is the antidote to the drama in my life.
OHH. Also; split from the boyfriend again. Feels good. This time it's to stay.
We work better as friends.
Koralyn.
Guess being boring on here is the antidote to the drama in my life.
OHH. Also; split from the boyfriend again. Feels good. This time it's to stay.
We work better as friends.
Koralyn.
Thursday 23 December 2010
CHRISTMAS EVE EVE.. thingy.
AHHHHH. Lack of concentration because it's CHRISTMAS EVE EVE. No, I'm not a retard - I did mean to type 'EVE' twice, haha. BOOYAAH.
Festivities start tomorrow. Got shit all else to do, so I'll outline what's going down for y'all.
Christmas Eve (Tomorrow) - Mum, G (her new dude), Me & Titwank (a.k.a my little brother) all shuffle our asses up to Nanna & Grandad's, where we're going to over until the day after Boxing Day. As usual, Mum & Nanna will be rushing around like headless chickens in the kitchen cooking the turkey, gammon, beef & quorn-thingy (for me). Yes, they really do cook that much. Yes, it is AWESOME. Well, it would be if I wasn't pescatarian this time round. Haaaaa. But anyway, they do a shit load of cooking.. even before Christmas day. They do all the meats the day before so that they can go cold and be carved much easier, then warmed through again. It is a very ninja process, yes? ;)
ANYWAYS. While their all doing that, the guys turn into sloths and slum around in the living room, drinking beer and hogging the wide-screen, occasionally venturing out to scav food from the kitchen. And me? Erm. I just mingle with both groups, haaaa. G has an iPad though, so might spend more time in the living room whining to have a go on it. Rawrrrrrrr.
Christmas Day - Me and my bro are going to be sleeping in the lounge, so I'm guessing we'll get dragged off the sofas whenever everyone else arises from the land of the dead. Everyone exchanges presents, usually me and my bro get perved on while we open all ours (takes quite a while usually) and they all wait. Then we watch all the adults open all theirs, etc etc. Then Mum and Nanna scramble around in the kitchen again, preparing HUGE amounts of food (really, they cook enough to feed a bloody army. Not that anyone complains.) and I usually go help them or start using/playing/messing with my presents! :3
Awesomeness. Uhhh, once again, the guys slump out. They walk the dogs, etc etc. This time there's going to be 4 dogs there; 3 Labrador's and 1 Jack Russell. Yes, I said 3 Labrador's. It shall be hell, filled with lot's of hair, wagging tails, and slobber. Hahaha. Two of the labs are G's; Beau & Scooby, one is mine; Winston. Scooby & Winston are chocolate labs, Beau is black. The Jack Russell is my Nan's and Grandad's, and she's named Belle.
They may be the most epic group of doggies on the planet. Honest. The coolest thing is when you say; 'Do you love me, Scooby?' to Scoob, and guess what.. HE BARKS. It's the most frickin' awesome thing ever. G trained both Beau & Scooby, and they're ninjas. They can do loads of funky shit. Winston is well trained all right, but with an attitude. He disobeys everyone except me and Mum, haha.
ANYWAY. Ranting. Erm, where was I...
AHHH, yes. CHRISTMAS DAY. Basically we all pig out at lunch, pig out again at tea, and chat/play games/watch movies/give more presents inbetween.
Then it's sleepy time again annnddddddd then it's....
BOXING DAY. Wahooo.
My Aunt & Uncle come down on Boxing Day, and there is more present giving etc etc. We have another huge meal at lunch, and then sometimes we order Chinese for tea or eat left-overs again. Everyone drinks alcohol (including me and my bro this year; mum's letting us) and everyone gets a tad tipsy. Or, on the odd (and very fucking funny) occasion, pissed. HAHA.
We sleep there again Boxing Day night, and then the day after we piss off back home. Christmas done and dusted for one more year!
It's possibly my favourite celebration. EVER.
Food, gifts & most important of all... family. Everywhere. It's a good thing my Nan has a big house, haha.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.
Peace out. Might not be able to post for a while, because I'll be enjoying the crazy festivities! See y'alllll!
Koralynnnnn x
Festivities start tomorrow. Got shit all else to do, so I'll outline what's going down for y'all.
Christmas Eve (Tomorrow) - Mum, G (her new dude), Me & Titwank (a.k.a my little brother) all shuffle our asses up to Nanna & Grandad's, where we're going to over until the day after Boxing Day. As usual, Mum & Nanna will be rushing around like headless chickens in the kitchen cooking the turkey, gammon, beef & quorn-thingy (for me). Yes, they really do cook that much. Yes, it is AWESOME. Well, it would be if I wasn't pescatarian this time round. Haaaaa. But anyway, they do a shit load of cooking.. even before Christmas day. They do all the meats the day before so that they can go cold and be carved much easier, then warmed through again. It is a very ninja process, yes? ;)
ANYWAYS. While their all doing that, the guys turn into sloths and slum around in the living room, drinking beer and hogging the wide-screen, occasionally venturing out to scav food from the kitchen. And me? Erm. I just mingle with both groups, haaaa. G has an iPad though, so might spend more time in the living room whining to have a go on it. Rawrrrrrrr.
Christmas Day - Me and my bro are going to be sleeping in the lounge, so I'm guessing we'll get dragged off the sofas whenever everyone else arises from the land of the dead. Everyone exchanges presents, usually me and my bro get perved on while we open all ours (takes quite a while usually) and they all wait. Then we watch all the adults open all theirs, etc etc. Then Mum and Nanna scramble around in the kitchen again, preparing HUGE amounts of food (really, they cook enough to feed a bloody army. Not that anyone complains.) and I usually go help them or start using/playing/messing with my presents! :3
Awesomeness. Uhhh, once again, the guys slump out. They walk the dogs, etc etc. This time there's going to be 4 dogs there; 3 Labrador's and 1 Jack Russell. Yes, I said 3 Labrador's. It shall be hell, filled with lot's of hair, wagging tails, and slobber. Hahaha. Two of the labs are G's; Beau & Scooby, one is mine; Winston. Scooby & Winston are chocolate labs, Beau is black. The Jack Russell is my Nan's and Grandad's, and she's named Belle.
They may be the most epic group of doggies on the planet. Honest. The coolest thing is when you say; 'Do you love me, Scooby?' to Scoob, and guess what.. HE BARKS. It's the most frickin' awesome thing ever. G trained both Beau & Scooby, and they're ninjas. They can do loads of funky shit. Winston is well trained all right, but with an attitude. He disobeys everyone except me and Mum, haha.
ANYWAY. Ranting. Erm, where was I...
AHHH, yes. CHRISTMAS DAY. Basically we all pig out at lunch, pig out again at tea, and chat/play games/watch movies/give more presents inbetween.
Then it's sleepy time again annnddddddd then it's....
BOXING DAY. Wahooo.
My Aunt & Uncle come down on Boxing Day, and there is more present giving etc etc. We have another huge meal at lunch, and then sometimes we order Chinese for tea or eat left-overs again. Everyone drinks alcohol (including me and my bro this year; mum's letting us) and everyone gets a tad tipsy. Or, on the odd (and very fucking funny) occasion, pissed. HAHA.
We sleep there again Boxing Day night, and then the day after we piss off back home. Christmas done and dusted for one more year!
It's possibly my favourite celebration. EVER.
Food, gifts & most important of all... family. Everywhere. It's a good thing my Nan has a big house, haha.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.
Peace out. Might not be able to post for a while, because I'll be enjoying the crazy festivities! See y'alllll!
Koralynnnnn x
Wednesday 22 December 2010
I'm 42% a virgin.
Instructions:
Start with 100%. Put an (X) on everything you've done and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as "I'm __% virgin."
1. Smoked. () One way road to death. Dumb asses.
2. Drank alcohol. (X)
3. Cried when someone died. (X)
4. Been drunk. ()
5. Had sex. ()
6. Been to a concert. (X) THE WANTED FTW. I luffs you.
7. Gotten/given a handjob. ()
8. Gotten/given a blowjob. ()
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed. (X) Curtsey of my best friends. They harass me 24/7.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody. ()
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up. (X) Lot's of cheeky guys in my school.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose. (X) It was coke. It fizzed. It HURT.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before. ()
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend. ()
15. Been to prom. () Prom is this summer, yahooo!
16. Cried at school. (X) When I was a kid, yep.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store. (X) Got lost in Tesco's in the clothes aisle. Wasn't fun.
18. Went streaking. (X) No comment.
19. Given or received a lap dance. ()
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room. (X)
21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over. (X)
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house. (X)
23. Kissed a stranger. ()
24. Hugged a stranger. (X)
25. Went scuba diving. ()
26. Driven a car. ()
27. Gotten an x-ray. (X)
28. Hit by a car. (X)
29. Had a party. (X)
30. Done serious drugs. ()
31. Played strip poker/darts/basketball. (x)
32. Got paid to strip for someone. ()
33. Run away from home. ()
34. Broken a bone. ()
36. Bought porn. ()
37. Watched porn. (X) ...Brothers fault.
38. Made porn. ()
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex. ()
40. Been in love. (X)
41. French kissed. (X)
42. Laughed so hard you cried. (X)
43. Cried yourself to sleep. (X)
44. Laughed yourself to sleep. ()
45. Stabbed yourself. (X) With a compass. It hurt like HELL and I never want to repeat the experience...
46. Shot a gun. (X) BB guns count, right?
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day. (X)
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours. (X)
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours. (X)
50. Watched an animal die. (X)
51. Watched a person die. (X)
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present. (X)
53. Pranked somebody. (X)
54. Put somebody in the hospital. (X) It was my bro, and it was an accident.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out. (X)
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex. (X)
57. Dressed punk. (X)
58. Dressed goth. (X)
59. Dressed preppy. (X)
60. Been to a motocross race. () A what?
61. Avoided somebody. (X)
62. Been stalked. (X) By this weirdo in my school, he thinks I'm in love with him. FML.
63. Stalked someone. (X) No comment.. it was more like spying.
64. Met a celebrity. ()
65. Played an instrument. () Loads, my primary was OBSESSED.
66. Ridden a horse. (X)
67. Cut yourself. (X) On purpose? No. By accident? Hundreds of times.
68. Bungee jumped. ()
69. Ding dong ditched somebody. () What the fuck? You can tell this quiz is American, LOL.
70. Been to a wild party. ()
71. Got caught stealing something. () I'm just too God dang Ninja for that. ;)
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls. (X) Sorry, dudes.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend. ()
74. Gone out with your friend's crush. ()
75. Got arrested. ()
76. Been pregnant. ()
77. Babysat. (X) Never doing it again.
78. Been to another country. (X) America, France, Mexico, Jamaica... Do Wales & Scotland count, too?
79. Started your house on fire. ()
80. Had an encounter with a ghost. ()
81. Donated your hair to cancer patients. ()
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by. (X)
83. Cried over a family member of the opposite sex. (X)
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 months or more. (X)
85. Sat on your butt all day. (X) Best activity ever.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself. (X) Fat bitch syndrome alert.
87. Had a job. (X)
88. Gotten cut from a sports team. () Never been on one, 'cos sports are for pussies. HAA.
89. Been called a whore. (X) Wankers.
90. Danced like a whore. (X) Hell yeah.
91. Been mistaken for a celebrity. ()
92. Been in a car accident. (X)
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes. (X)
94. Been told you have beautiful hair. (X)
95. Raped somebody. () LOL WTF? As if you'd be proud enough to admit it... Eww.
96. Danced in the rain. (X)
97. Been rejected. (X) Life's a bitch.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying. () Almost did.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face. (X) Who hasn't?
100. Been raped. () ... What the actual fuck? This is disturbing.
Total: 58.
I'm officially 42% a virgin. That's worrying.
Start with 100%. Put an (X) on everything you've done and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as "I'm __% virgin."
1. Smoked. () One way road to death. Dumb asses.
2. Drank alcohol. (X)
3. Cried when someone died. (X)
4. Been drunk. ()
5. Had sex. ()
6. Been to a concert. (X) THE WANTED FTW. I luffs you.
7. Gotten/given a handjob. ()
8. Gotten/given a blowjob. ()
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed. (X) Curtsey of my best friends. They harass me 24/7.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody. ()
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up. (X) Lot's of cheeky guys in my school.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose. (X) It was coke. It fizzed. It HURT.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before. ()
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend. ()
15. Been to prom. () Prom is this summer, yahooo!
16. Cried at school. (X) When I was a kid, yep.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store. (X) Got lost in Tesco's in the clothes aisle. Wasn't fun.
18. Went streaking. (X) No comment.
19. Given or received a lap dance. ()
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room. (X)
21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over. (X)
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house. (X)
23. Kissed a stranger. ()
24. Hugged a stranger. (X)
25. Went scuba diving. ()
26. Driven a car. ()
27. Gotten an x-ray. (X)
28. Hit by a car. (X)
29. Had a party. (X)
30. Done serious drugs. ()
31. Played strip poker/darts/basketball. (x)
32. Got paid to strip for someone. ()
33. Run away from home. ()
34. Broken a bone. ()
36. Bought porn. ()
37. Watched porn. (X) ...Brothers fault.
38. Made porn. ()
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex. ()
40. Been in love. (X)
41. French kissed. (X)
42. Laughed so hard you cried. (X)
43. Cried yourself to sleep. (X)
44. Laughed yourself to sleep. ()
45. Stabbed yourself. (X) With a compass. It hurt like HELL and I never want to repeat the experience...
46. Shot a gun. (X) BB guns count, right?
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day. (X)
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours. (X)
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours. (X)
50. Watched an animal die. (X)
51. Watched a person die. (X)
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present. (X)
53. Pranked somebody. (X)
54. Put somebody in the hospital. (X) It was my bro, and it was an accident.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out. (X)
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex. (X)
57. Dressed punk. (X)
58. Dressed goth. (X)
59. Dressed preppy. (X)
60. Been to a motocross race. () A what?
61. Avoided somebody. (X)
62. Been stalked. (X) By this weirdo in my school, he thinks I'm in love with him. FML.
63. Stalked someone. (X) No comment.. it was more like spying.
64. Met a celebrity. ()
65. Played an instrument. () Loads, my primary was OBSESSED.
66. Ridden a horse. (X)
67. Cut yourself. (X) On purpose? No. By accident? Hundreds of times.
68. Bungee jumped. ()
69. Ding dong ditched somebody. () What the fuck? You can tell this quiz is American, LOL.
70. Been to a wild party. ()
71. Got caught stealing something. () I'm just too God dang Ninja for that. ;)
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls. (X) Sorry, dudes.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend. ()
74. Gone out with your friend's crush. ()
75. Got arrested. ()
76. Been pregnant. ()
77. Babysat. (X) Never doing it again.
78. Been to another country. (X) America, France, Mexico, Jamaica... Do Wales & Scotland count, too?
79. Started your house on fire. ()
80. Had an encounter with a ghost. ()
81. Donated your hair to cancer patients. ()
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by. (X)
83. Cried over a family member of the opposite sex. (X)
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 months or more. (X)
85. Sat on your butt all day. (X) Best activity ever.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself. (X) Fat bitch syndrome alert.
87. Had a job. (X)
88. Gotten cut from a sports team. () Never been on one, 'cos sports are for pussies. HAA.
89. Been called a whore. (X) Wankers.
90. Danced like a whore. (X) Hell yeah.
91. Been mistaken for a celebrity. ()
92. Been in a car accident. (X)
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes. (X)
94. Been told you have beautiful hair. (X)
95. Raped somebody. () LOL WTF? As if you'd be proud enough to admit it... Eww.
96. Danced in the rain. (X)
97. Been rejected. (X) Life's a bitch.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying. () Almost did.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face. (X) Who hasn't?
100. Been raped. () ... What the actual fuck? This is disturbing.
Total: 58.
I'm officially 42% a virgin. That's worrying.
I screwed up 63% of my school life.
In need of amusement, so here goes. This random thing is to find out what % of my school life I've messed up...
[x] Kissed someone before dating
[ ] Gotten a phone taken away at school
[x] Gotten caught chewing gum
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test
Total so far: 2
[ ] Arrived late to class more than 5 times
[x] Didn't do homework over 5 times
[x] Turned at least 2 projects in late
[x] Missed school just because you felt like it
[ ] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class
Total so far: 5
[x] Got your mom, dad, etc to get you out of school
[x] Text people during class
[x] Passed notes
[x] Threw stuff across the room
[x] Laughed at the teacher
Total so far: 10
[x] Took pictures during school hours
[x] Called someone during school hours
[x] Listened to iPod, CD, etc during school hours
Total so far: 13
[ ] Threw something at the teacher
[ ] Went outside the classroom without permission
[x] Broke the dress code
[ ] Failed a class
[x] Ate food during class
Total so far: 15
[ ] Gotten a call from school
[ ] Been called the worst student
[ ] Punished on a school trip because you behaved badly
[x] Didn't take your stuff to school
[x] Given a teacher the finger when they weren't looking
Total so far: 17
[x] Faked your parents signature
[ ] Slept in class
[x] Cursed at your teacher behind their back
[x] Copied homework
[ ] Got in trouble with the principal/vice principal/dean
[x] Thrown food in the lunch room
Total so far: 21
Multiply by 3
Post as "I screwed up (number you got)% of my school life"
[x] Kissed someone before dating
[ ] Gotten a phone taken away at school
[x] Gotten caught chewing gum
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test
Total so far: 2
[ ] Arrived late to class more than 5 times
[x] Didn't do homework over 5 times
[x] Turned at least 2 projects in late
[x] Missed school just because you felt like it
[ ] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class
Total so far: 5
[x] Got your mom, dad, etc to get you out of school
[x] Text people during class
[x] Passed notes
[x] Threw stuff across the room
[x] Laughed at the teacher
Total so far: 10
[x] Took pictures during school hours
[x] Called someone during school hours
[x] Listened to iPod, CD, etc during school hours
Total so far: 13
[ ] Threw something at the teacher
[ ] Went outside the classroom without permission
[x] Broke the dress code
[ ] Failed a class
[x] Ate food during class
Total so far: 15
[ ] Gotten a call from school
[ ] Been called the worst student
[ ] Punished on a school trip because you behaved badly
[x] Didn't take your stuff to school
[x] Given a teacher the finger when they weren't looking
Total so far: 17
[x] Faked your parents signature
[ ] Slept in class
[x] Cursed at your teacher behind their back
[x] Copied homework
[ ] Got in trouble with the principal/vice principal/dean
[x] Thrown food in the lunch room
Total so far: 21
Multiply by 3
Post as "I screwed up (number you got)% of my school life"
Rant
It's time for a long rant. I haven't had one in a while on here, been too busy writing those letters for the 30 day challenge and what not. Anyway, here goes.
Someone thinks I've done something wrong, that I've made the wrong decision about something. It's one of my best friends parents. I guess she's been trying to give me advice and she's certainly made me tell her absolutely everything.
Someone thinks I've done something wrong, that I've made the wrong decision about something. It's one of my best friends parents. I guess she's been trying to give me advice and she's certainly made me tell her absolutely everything.
She thinks I split with my boyfriend because I saw bad in him and distrusted him, and I thought he had something to hide. She also said I should have weighed up the pro's and con's before hurting anybodies feelings. I did. I did weigh them up, hundreds and hundreds of times. I love him for Christ's sake, I'm not going to just randomly say to him; 'Yeah, your dumped.' without any reasonable explanation.
I'm scared of what she thinks of me now. In some respects I wish she'd never spoken to him, never known about him. I'm not cold-hearted, I know I'm not. But I guess that's what she thinks now.
She told me to let him know how I feel about him and how much he means to me. I do, every single day. She also said he's a boy that wears his heart on his sleeve. This is very true.
Ugh. I don't want to be questioned about my decisions, I guess. Have them analysed and picked apart by others. It's my personal life and his, not hers. I appreciate her concern and everything, and I love her to bits, but sometimes as my mum says; 'You've just got to take a step back and let them get on with it.'
If I'm going to make mistakes, I'll make them. I'll learn from them, too. I'm quite capable of picking the pieces back up of the floor; I've done it enough times this year. Just let me be my own person, just for once. Please.
2011. A new year, a fresh start. End of the road for me at high school.
I'm not going to muck it up.
K x
I'm scared of what she thinks of me now. In some respects I wish she'd never spoken to him, never known about him. I'm not cold-hearted, I know I'm not. But I guess that's what she thinks now.
She told me to let him know how I feel about him and how much he means to me. I do, every single day. She also said he's a boy that wears his heart on his sleeve. This is very true.
Ugh. I don't want to be questioned about my decisions, I guess. Have them analysed and picked apart by others. It's my personal life and his, not hers. I appreciate her concern and everything, and I love her to bits, but sometimes as my mum says; 'You've just got to take a step back and let them get on with it.'
If I'm going to make mistakes, I'll make them. I'll learn from them, too. I'm quite capable of picking the pieces back up of the floor; I've done it enough times this year. Just let me be my own person, just for once. Please.
2011. A new year, a fresh start. End of the road for me at high school.
I'm not going to muck it up.
K x
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Dear God,
I'm not even sure whether I believe in you or not, but I'm asking for your forgiveness anyway. For all the times I've hurt people, lied and acted selfish. I'm not saying this as any sort of excuse, oh no... but I'm just a teenager. Just another kid lost in this huge world full of coldness and anger. Because that's what it has become, whether you intended it to or not. It's no longer a green world; it's grey and ugly. We killed it. There's no doubt about it, we're a pest. A living plague upon this Earth.
But we didn't mean it. It's just how we are; humans are selfish. They value themselves and those close to them above all others, and they don't care about the rest. This selfishness is a disease I myself posses, just like everyone else. I'm so sorry we turned out this way. I bet we're a right pain in the butt as a race.
I guess I'm apologising for all of us, really. If you're up there, reading this, then we're sorry. I'm sorry more than anything for the things I've done myself.
We're just human.
Koralyn.
I'm not even sure whether I believe in you or not, but I'm asking for your forgiveness anyway. For all the times I've hurt people, lied and acted selfish. I'm not saying this as any sort of excuse, oh no... but I'm just a teenager. Just another kid lost in this huge world full of coldness and anger. Because that's what it has become, whether you intended it to or not. It's no longer a green world; it's grey and ugly. We killed it. There's no doubt about it, we're a pest. A living plague upon this Earth.
But we didn't mean it. It's just how we are; humans are selfish. They value themselves and those close to them above all others, and they don't care about the rest. This selfishness is a disease I myself posses, just like everyone else. I'm so sorry we turned out this way. I bet we're a right pain in the butt as a race.
I guess I'm apologising for all of us, really. If you're up there, reading this, then we're sorry. I'm sorry more than anything for the things I've done myself.
We're just human.
Koralyn.
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Dear Mum & Dad,
I certainly don't hate you the most, but you're definitely the people who have caused me the most pain. I guess you've driven me right down to rock bottom just as much as you've helped me fly. Your upcoming divorce has caused more hurt and anger within me than I can ever remember having felt before, and it's changed me a lot. For worse or for better I do not know.
There's nothing else I wish to say, other than I love you both so much despite all the shit we go through.
K x
-- I'm a day late again, I know. I'm sorry, been having a shitty week.
I certainly don't hate you the most, but you're definitely the people who have caused me the most pain. I guess you've driven me right down to rock bottom just as much as you've helped me fly. Your upcoming divorce has caused more hurt and anger within me than I can ever remember having felt before, and it's changed me a lot. For worse or for better I do not know.
There's nothing else I wish to say, other than I love you both so much despite all the shit we go through.
K x
-- I'm a day late again, I know. I'm sorry, been having a shitty week.
Tuesday 21 December 2010
AHHH.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
There, I feel much better now.
It's been a stressful day. No comment.
K x
There, I feel much better now.
It's been a stressful day. No comment.
K x
Monday 20 December 2010
Candy.
 |
Oh yes. And not just any candy... this is eye candy. Mmmm.It's my form of therapy.
Bruno Mars, you may be the most beautiful man I have actually seen. Period.
He also just happens to have the most beautiful voice I have ever heard too. Also period.
Well, maybe apart from Matt Cardle... and he's also extremely yummy.
Okay, drool session over. Guess there's plenty of fit guys that are my age and within my league, too. No way is some sexy, amazingly talented singer going to sweep me off my feet and treat me like I'm (in the words of Rihanna...) the 'only girl in the world'. Plus, I'm hardly single. Which is a weird new status for me.
Bahhhh.
Insomnia (oh, and stupid temperatures!)
I think I may be a victim of it. I get tired only during the middle of the day when I shouldn't possibly want to go to sleep, and at night I don't get tired until one or two am in the morning. It's a complete and utter pain in the arse.
Another thing that's a pain in the arse is all the snow and cold weather. Sure, it's beautiful and the sky turns the most amazing colours at dawn and sunset because it's so clear... but when you can't get hot water because the pipes have frozen it takes the piss. It was -14 degrees Celsius the other day; the coldest temperature I remember it being here since... well, since nothing. It's the coldest ever. I got into the car just before and it told us that it was -9 outside, cold enough that I had frost in my hair.
Also, I don't have ANY long sleeved tops. At all.
I guess this is unbelievable since I live in England and it's always pissing it down, but seriously; I don't own a single long sleeved t-shit. Just strappy ones. You're lucky if you manage to find a short sleeved one in my wardrobe, to be honest.
Am I immune to the cold? Haha, I bloody wish. The reason I don't have any long tops is because I ruck up with hoodies and shit, and I only bother with my designer or smart stuff if I'm going out. I live in the country; nine times out of ten, you step out of your front door and you're already gonna be shit high. I live next to a farm, for christs sake.
I wouldn't change it though. Even the manure smell when they spray the fields (ick), or when they cut the grass and everyone gets hay fever (manage to avoid it myself more often than not). I'm literally surrounded by fields.
Still. It's the most beautiful place to live...apart from the retarded neighbours and their fat ass coach that they insist on parking on their front drive, of course. But everyday, I can just look out my lounge window and see a gigantic oak across the road which I love to bits, and the huge fields spread out behind it, and in the far distance Kelsall hill, dotted with houses and thick with forests. From my bedroom window; more fields, the barn where the local farmer shoves all his hay, and to the right, the edges of a forest with the Tarvin church tower peaking just above the trees.
I guess every time I look out my window I think about my future. I want to live in all sorts of different places, try them all out; in a city, in a beach house, etc etc. But I guess I'll always be a country girl at heart, because this is where I was born and raised. It's kind of inevitable that I'm going to come back and buy a house out here eventually for myself, even though the prices are way beyond a bitch. But, my motto is now; 'You don't apply, you don't achieve.' It's lyrics from Im'ma shine, a song from Step Up. Cheesy it may be, but it's the damn right truth. And I've always applied myself, always. So... here's to hoping I'll achieve.
K x
P.s; personal reminder; NEW YEARS REVOLUTIONS! ;)
Another thing that's a pain in the arse is all the snow and cold weather. Sure, it's beautiful and the sky turns the most amazing colours at dawn and sunset because it's so clear... but when you can't get hot water because the pipes have frozen it takes the piss. It was -14 degrees Celsius the other day; the coldest temperature I remember it being here since... well, since nothing. It's the coldest ever. I got into the car just before and it told us that it was -9 outside, cold enough that I had frost in my hair.
Also, I don't have ANY long sleeved tops. At all.
I guess this is unbelievable since I live in England and it's always pissing it down, but seriously; I don't own a single long sleeved t-shit. Just strappy ones. You're lucky if you manage to find a short sleeved one in my wardrobe, to be honest.
Am I immune to the cold? Haha, I bloody wish. The reason I don't have any long tops is because I ruck up with hoodies and shit, and I only bother with my designer or smart stuff if I'm going out. I live in the country; nine times out of ten, you step out of your front door and you're already gonna be shit high. I live next to a farm, for christs sake.
I wouldn't change it though. Even the manure smell when they spray the fields (ick), or when they cut the grass and everyone gets hay fever (manage to avoid it myself more often than not). I'm literally surrounded by fields.
Still. It's the most beautiful place to live...apart from the retarded neighbours and their fat ass coach that they insist on parking on their front drive, of course. But everyday, I can just look out my lounge window and see a gigantic oak across the road which I love to bits, and the huge fields spread out behind it, and in the far distance Kelsall hill, dotted with houses and thick with forests. From my bedroom window; more fields, the barn where the local farmer shoves all his hay, and to the right, the edges of a forest with the Tarvin church tower peaking just above the trees.
I guess every time I look out my window I think about my future. I want to live in all sorts of different places, try them all out; in a city, in a beach house, etc etc. But I guess I'll always be a country girl at heart, because this is where I was born and raised. It's kind of inevitable that I'm going to come back and buy a house out here eventually for myself, even though the prices are way beyond a bitch. But, my motto is now; 'You don't apply, you don't achieve.' It's lyrics from Im'ma shine, a song from Step Up. Cheesy it may be, but it's the damn right truth. And I've always applied myself, always. So... here's to hoping I'll achieve.
K x
P.s; personal reminder; NEW YEARS REVOLUTIONS! ;)
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Dear Michael Jackson,
Are you actually dead? My little brother says you aint. Just wandered. Oh, and also... I think you are the unchallenged King of Pop. Your music never fails to inspire me.
Koralyn.
Are you actually dead? My little brother says you aint. Just wandered. Oh, and also... I think you are the unchallenged King of Pop. Your music never fails to inspire me.
Koralyn.
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
A day late, I know. I apologise.
Dear A,
You and me were best friends all the way through primary, even when you moved to Madrid and then back again, only to move to London soon after. You have my greatest condolences for the recent death of your father... I can't imagine the pain you and the rest of your family must be going through. I know you're strong though, and fiery. You've got the spirit to make it through this, and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, there is.
You taught me to stick up for myself, and you certainly opened up the adventurous streak in me. The amount of times we snuck under wire fences into the field next to your house is unthinkable. We'd get caught once or twice, but your mum never told us off. I always thought your mum was perhaps one of the most kind-hearted people I'd ever met, and my mum was real good friends with her.
I hope we bump into each other some day, get talking again. God knows, me and my two best friends are going on a long road trip... there's fine chance of it happening. We just want to be free I guess, and a road-trip would be a brilliant way to do that. Of course, I'm in the middle of persuading them that we should also go do one in America. God, I love it there. The people are brilliant.
But anyway, freedom... we just want to shake loose, I guess. Drink cheap beer, sleep on the beach, act like teenagers for once in our lives. There's too many rules, too many restrictions... Sometimes I just feel like saying; 'Y'know what, fuck you. We aren't all going grey. I aint ready to settle down until I'm at least 25, so get lost. If I want to kiss a few guys, I'll go for it. Messy relationships are the teenage trademark, right? I'll also get my belly pierced, my hair dyed pink and go around wearing just a god damn bikini.You wanna judge me, go for it, and if you want to call me dumb, do that as well. I'll just throw my report card in your face and smirk. I'm a teenager; I'm going to act like one.'
I hope you're still the same as you used to be. Don't ever change.
K x
Dear A,
You and me were best friends all the way through primary, even when you moved to Madrid and then back again, only to move to London soon after. You have my greatest condolences for the recent death of your father... I can't imagine the pain you and the rest of your family must be going through. I know you're strong though, and fiery. You've got the spirit to make it through this, and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, there is.
You taught me to stick up for myself, and you certainly opened up the adventurous streak in me. The amount of times we snuck under wire fences into the field next to your house is unthinkable. We'd get caught once or twice, but your mum never told us off. I always thought your mum was perhaps one of the most kind-hearted people I'd ever met, and my mum was real good friends with her.
I hope we bump into each other some day, get talking again. God knows, me and my two best friends are going on a long road trip... there's fine chance of it happening. We just want to be free I guess, and a road-trip would be a brilliant way to do that. Of course, I'm in the middle of persuading them that we should also go do one in America. God, I love it there. The people are brilliant.
But anyway, freedom... we just want to shake loose, I guess. Drink cheap beer, sleep on the beach, act like teenagers for once in our lives. There's too many rules, too many restrictions... Sometimes I just feel like saying; 'Y'know what, fuck you. We aren't all going grey. I aint ready to settle down until I'm at least 25, so get lost. If I want to kiss a few guys, I'll go for it. Messy relationships are the teenage trademark, right? I'll also get my belly pierced, my hair dyed pink and go around wearing just a god damn bikini.You wanna judge me, go for it, and if you want to call me dumb, do that as well. I'll just throw my report card in your face and smirk. I'm a teenager; I'm going to act like one.'
I hope you're still the same as you used to be. Don't ever change.
K x
Friday 17 December 2010
me?
My nose went weird, my lips went weird... Only thing I like is the god damn hand. Was supposed to be a self-portrait, but... failed, ahahaha. This is what happens when I'm left alone with nothing to do but mess around with my graphics tablet.
Was trying to work the 'sketchy/watery/loose' look, and in this respect at least, it was successful.
Boohoo.
Peace out.
K x
P.s; Why the hell has the painting gone fuzzy since I put it on here? FML.
P.s; Why the hell has the painting gone fuzzy since I put it on here? FML.
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
AHHHHH there's too many people! Anne Frank? Shakespeare? Marilyn Monroe? Hitler? Julius Caeser? Barack Obama? OMGWTFBBQSKDJOAHJA. Mind melt/fuck/spazz.
Let's go for Hitler, simply because of the moustache that went down in history... the exact same moustache that I've had drawn on myself a gazillion times. Also, because of you, Hitler, whilst yelling 'HAIL HITLER' in the corridor and doing the hand actions, I got caught by a certain bible-bashing teacher who hates me muchly. Whatever. This is for you, dude.
Dear Hitler,
I want your moustache. I also want to rub into your face the fact that; 'WE WON THE WAR, BITCH!'. Ahahaha. There's not much else I want to say... ahh, yes. You're a racist bastard or whatever for being against Jews. What's wrong with the nice little Jewish guys for fucks sake? HMMM? You wanted every guy to be 6ft tall and blonde, when infact YOU YOURSELF were a midget with black hair. Psychic evaluation needed muchly?
Whatever, rock out dude. Smoke some weed, ahahahaaaaaaaaaaa.
Koralyn.
Let's go for Hitler, simply because of the moustache that went down in history... the exact same moustache that I've had drawn on myself a gazillion times. Also, because of you, Hitler, whilst yelling 'HAIL HITLER' in the corridor and doing the hand actions, I got caught by a certain bible-bashing teacher who hates me muchly. Whatever. This is for you, dude.
Dear Hitler,
I want your moustache. I also want to rub into your face the fact that; 'WE WON THE WAR, BITCH!'. Ahahaha. There's not much else I want to say... ahh, yes. You're a racist bastard or whatever for being against Jews. What's wrong with the nice little Jewish guys for fucks sake? HMMM? You wanted every guy to be 6ft tall and blonde, when infact YOU YOURSELF were a midget with black hair. Psychic evaluation needed muchly?
Whatever, rock out dude. Smoke some weed, ahahahaaaaaaaaaaa.
Koralyn.
Thursday 16 December 2010
Sexy Skullcandy
Me wants a pair of sexy Skullcandy headphones. Here are some links to a few of the pairs I've been looking at... haven't quite made a decision yet.
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-skullcrushers-cmyk.html
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-agent-purple.html
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-lowrider-purple-pink.html
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-agent-white.html
I'm totally in love.
Oh, and for my brother... I think these would be suitable, ahahaha.
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-agent-roskopp.html
He's after a pair too, for gaming. He's a spoilt little git; he has a 32" flatscreen in his room, PS3, leather gaming chair (y'know, one of them groovy things which acts like a really comfortable boom-box... when he's got it turned right up with the vibration and all the effects and shit turned on, I can hear it from the bottom of my nextdoor neighbours garden... which is pretty epic), and another separate TV which he watches normal DVDs on (he only watches Blue-ray on his PS3 for some reason). Also, he wants the Wii moving into his room because it'd get more use.
Spoilt kiddie much? He also sold his 16GB iPod Touch to my mum in return for her buying him the brand new version for christmas, the one with the camera and all that jazz. Pfft, I'm sticking to my sexy first gen one... 32GB of awesomeness, ohhhh yeah baby. Means I can shove all the crap I want on it, and it's not even a quarter full. Mwahahaha. When I get my Skullcandy headphones & combine them with the awesomeness of my iPod, I shall rule the world. ;)
Peace out dude, or rock out... whichever you prefer.
K x
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-skullcrushers-cmyk.html
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-agent-purple.html
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-lowrider-purple-pink.html
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-agent-white.html
I'm totally in love.
Oh, and for my brother... I think these would be suitable, ahahaha.
http://www.iheadphones.co.uk/skullcandy-agent-roskopp.html
He's after a pair too, for gaming. He's a spoilt little git; he has a 32" flatscreen in his room, PS3, leather gaming chair (y'know, one of them groovy things which acts like a really comfortable boom-box... when he's got it turned right up with the vibration and all the effects and shit turned on, I can hear it from the bottom of my nextdoor neighbours garden... which is pretty epic), and another separate TV which he watches normal DVDs on (he only watches Blue-ray on his PS3 for some reason). Also, he wants the Wii moving into his room because it'd get more use.
Spoilt kiddie much? He also sold his 16GB iPod Touch to my mum in return for her buying him the brand new version for christmas, the one with the camera and all that jazz. Pfft, I'm sticking to my sexy first gen one... 32GB of awesomeness, ohhhh yeah baby. Means I can shove all the crap I want on it, and it's not even a quarter full. Mwahahaha. When I get my Skullcandy headphones & combine them with the awesomeness of my iPod, I shall rule the world. ;)
Peace out dude, or rock out... whichever you prefer.
K x
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
I have loads, so I'm gonna just write this as a 'general' thing.
Dear all of you guys,
You're awesome. Some of the funniest, most inspiring and damn right awesome people I know are those that I have met online. Thanks for being so brill.
To a certain few of you who have turned out to be nothing but a pain in the ass, a thorn in my side or a knife in the back... well, fuck you. I'm thankful I don't know you in real life, and I pity those that do.
Peace out, y'all.
K x
Dear all of you guys,
You're awesome. Some of the funniest, most inspiring and damn right awesome people I know are those that I have met online. Thanks for being so brill.
To a certain few of you who have turned out to be nothing but a pain in the ass, a thorn in my side or a knife in the back... well, fuck you. I'm thankful I don't know you in real life, and I pity those that do.
Peace out, y'all.
K x
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Morbid
What a morbid letter I just wrote. Perhaps morbid isn't the right word?
Whatever. I'm ill, I have an excuse for poor English and grammar just this once. I've been off for most of this week with a severe migraine, stomach pains and an aching body. General opinion is that I've just 'crashed'... I've been so stressed out, worried and overworked with exams and assessments recently that things have finally taken their toll.
Which, for the record, sucks majorly. But there is one bonus; I've been ordered off school for the rest of this week, which means.... No more school until January, as we break up on Friday! Wahoo!
I can't wait for Christmas. I want my Skullcandy headphones NOWNOWNOW.
I think I may have gone crazy with this migraine... it is quite possible...
I WANT A GOD DAMN HUG. Where's ya boyfriend or your best friends when you need them? Ahh, that's right, at their own houses 'cos it's quarter to eleven. Duhhh. Stupid me.
I'll post a link the the Skullcandy headphones I want when I manage to make a decision... there's so many purrdy designs and shizzle. Ahahaha.
Too much coke. Too much coke and an insane head ache and thinking too much about my boyfriend has brought this insania on.
Peace out guys, I'm gonna hit the sack before I end up eating my iPod or something equally crazy. Then they really will send me to an asylum.
K x
P.s; As long as they send my boyfriend and my best friends though, I won't give a shit. Aurevoir.
Whatever. I'm ill, I have an excuse for poor English and grammar just this once. I've been off for most of this week with a severe migraine, stomach pains and an aching body. General opinion is that I've just 'crashed'... I've been so stressed out, worried and overworked with exams and assessments recently that things have finally taken their toll.
Which, for the record, sucks majorly. But there is one bonus; I've been ordered off school for the rest of this week, which means.... No more school until January, as we break up on Friday! Wahoo!
I can't wait for Christmas. I want my Skullcandy headphones NOWNOWNOW.
I think I may have gone crazy with this migraine... it is quite possible...
I WANT A GOD DAMN HUG. Where's ya boyfriend or your best friends when you need them? Ahh, that's right, at their own houses 'cos it's quarter to eleven. Duhhh. Stupid me.
I'll post a link the the Skullcandy headphones I want when I manage to make a decision... there's so many purrdy designs and shizzle. Ahahaha.
Too much coke. Too much coke and an insane head ache and thinking too much about my boyfriend has brought this insania on.
Peace out guys, I'm gonna hit the sack before I end up eating my iPod or something equally crazy. Then they really will send me to an asylum.
K x
P.s; As long as they send my boyfriend and my best friends though, I won't give a shit. Aurevoir.
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Dear Mr. Ex-Boyfriend,
I really don't think you realise what a good thing you missed out on, darling. I was the chance of a lifetime for you, and you knew it. That's probably why you still love talking to me, starting up conversations from nowhere in order to get a glimpse into how my life is now.
Well, let me tell you something. You don't just GIVE UP on somebody. You don't just let go, not when you're 'in love' with them. That's exactly what you did, and when I found out it felt like you'd ripped a hole right through my heart. But y'know what's worse? What you gave me up for. Finding out who it was was worse, much worse. Partly because I still loved you at the time, and I wanted you back even though you'd fucked off with her. Going off with another woman is possibly the worst thing you could have done, in my book. We weren't over, and you'd already jumped right over to her side. You made me feel sick.
I speak in the past tense because now I only feel a slight sympathy for you, darling. You missed out on me, and now someone much more suitable holds my heart. You missed your chance, and now you're stuck with someone who already has two kids by another man. That's a lot of baggage.
You're young, and I'm even younger than you, but being brutally honest I think I have a wiser head. Getting dragged down by a woman who's older than you with two kids at your age? When you could still be in full time education at university? It doesn't take much thinking to work out that you should have given her a wide berth, darling.
She's going to cripple your life, and deep down... I think you already know it. And that is why you have a smidgen of sympathy from me; enough so that I still want to humour you. Enough that if you're reading this; I hope you take my advice to heart and get your life sorted out.
And for the record?
I always sensed something would go wrong with you. There was always a dark smudge on our horizon, waiting to come forth and pounce on us when presented with a chance. Also; where was the passion? It was all gentle words - which I do value to a certain extent - but nothing more. There were no arguments, which I thought of as a good sign, but in a relationship a certain amount of them is healthy. It'd get to the point where I'd WISH for an argument with you, but you just didn't seem to have anything in you. You also always thought yourself superior to me though, the dominant one. The one who knew more, the one who always won.
Look who's the winner now, darling.
You should have viewed me as an equal, not someone beneath you. That sort of view isn't right in a relationship, and it lead to cracks and holes in-between us. Cracks and holes that you saw, and instead of knitting things back together you broke away... broke away into the arms of someone else.
You still seem to think you have a hold over me though, over what I do and who I love. You judge him, make comments about him, and so does your woman. Well, I'll tell you this once, and only once.
You dig into him, you dig into me. Which, my darling, will lead to severe consequences which shall be exceedingly uncomfortable for you and your... ah... woman.
Back off. Or else you'll find yourself in a situation you very much wanted to avoid.
Take my advice, darling.
Koralyn.
I really don't think you realise what a good thing you missed out on, darling. I was the chance of a lifetime for you, and you knew it. That's probably why you still love talking to me, starting up conversations from nowhere in order to get a glimpse into how my life is now.
Well, let me tell you something. You don't just GIVE UP on somebody. You don't just let go, not when you're 'in love' with them. That's exactly what you did, and when I found out it felt like you'd ripped a hole right through my heart. But y'know what's worse? What you gave me up for. Finding out who it was was worse, much worse. Partly because I still loved you at the time, and I wanted you back even though you'd fucked off with her. Going off with another woman is possibly the worst thing you could have done, in my book. We weren't over, and you'd already jumped right over to her side. You made me feel sick.
I speak in the past tense because now I only feel a slight sympathy for you, darling. You missed out on me, and now someone much more suitable holds my heart. You missed your chance, and now you're stuck with someone who already has two kids by another man. That's a lot of baggage.
You're young, and I'm even younger than you, but being brutally honest I think I have a wiser head. Getting dragged down by a woman who's older than you with two kids at your age? When you could still be in full time education at university? It doesn't take much thinking to work out that you should have given her a wide berth, darling.
She's going to cripple your life, and deep down... I think you already know it. And that is why you have a smidgen of sympathy from me; enough so that I still want to humour you. Enough that if you're reading this; I hope you take my advice to heart and get your life sorted out.
And for the record?
I always sensed something would go wrong with you. There was always a dark smudge on our horizon, waiting to come forth and pounce on us when presented with a chance. Also; where was the passion? It was all gentle words - which I do value to a certain extent - but nothing more. There were no arguments, which I thought of as a good sign, but in a relationship a certain amount of them is healthy. It'd get to the point where I'd WISH for an argument with you, but you just didn't seem to have anything in you. You also always thought yourself superior to me though, the dominant one. The one who knew more, the one who always won.
Look who's the winner now, darling.
You should have viewed me as an equal, not someone beneath you. That sort of view isn't right in a relationship, and it lead to cracks and holes in-between us. Cracks and holes that you saw, and instead of knitting things back together you broke away... broke away into the arms of someone else.
You still seem to think you have a hold over me though, over what I do and who I love. You judge him, make comments about him, and so does your woman. Well, I'll tell you this once, and only once.
You dig into him, you dig into me. Which, my darling, will lead to severe consequences which shall be exceedingly uncomfortable for you and your... ah... woman.
Back off. Or else you'll find yourself in a situation you very much wanted to avoid.
Take my advice, darling.
Koralyn.
Day 6 — A stranger
I'm a day behind on these at the moment since I'm ill, so I'm going to do both yesterdays and todays.
Dear Stranger,
Since you don't know me, I figure I can say whatever I want and since I'll never come face to face with you, I'll never have to explain anything. For this, I am thankful.
I like the way my pill bottle snaps when I click it closed. It's final, decisive, crisp and firm. I wish more things were like this in life, such as the decisions people make. You can't just snap a decision closed; you have to ponder over it, then slowly close it... and then most often open it again and rearrange the way you closed it.
The smell of freshly printed pages when you open a new textbook. I figure there should be more smells like that, because it's one of the best smells in the world. It's the smell of newness, fresh and crisp from the press.
What do you think angels wings would smell like? I think they'd smell of fresh snow, rain, cut grass and sunshine. People say you can't smell sunshine, but you can. You can smell it on your skin after being out in it for a while, in your hair and on your clothes.
Angels wings... What would they smell like? That's a nice thought, one you could consider for hours. I like things like that; questions you can think about for ages before you come to an answer. Not frustrating questions, but interesting ones that you need to take your time over.
If there is a heaven, and if there is angels, I'd like to fly with them.
That'd be amazing.
Yours Sincerely,
K x
Dear Stranger,
Since you don't know me, I figure I can say whatever I want and since I'll never come face to face with you, I'll never have to explain anything. For this, I am thankful.
I like the way my pill bottle snaps when I click it closed. It's final, decisive, crisp and firm. I wish more things were like this in life, such as the decisions people make. You can't just snap a decision closed; you have to ponder over it, then slowly close it... and then most often open it again and rearrange the way you closed it.
The smell of freshly printed pages when you open a new textbook. I figure there should be more smells like that, because it's one of the best smells in the world. It's the smell of newness, fresh and crisp from the press.
What do you think angels wings would smell like? I think they'd smell of fresh snow, rain, cut grass and sunshine. People say you can't smell sunshine, but you can. You can smell it on your skin after being out in it for a while, in your hair and on your clothes.
Angels wings... What would they smell like? That's a nice thought, one you could consider for hours. I like things like that; questions you can think about for ages before you come to an answer. Not frustrating questions, but interesting ones that you need to take your time over.
If there is a heaven, and if there is angels, I'd like to fly with them.
That'd be amazing.
Yours Sincerely,
K x
Monday 13 December 2010
Sunday 12 December 2010
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Dear S,
God, there's so much I could say. You mean the whole world to me and more, even though more often than not you're a little shit and you drag me right through the dirt with you. I guess that's what I get though, for being your big sister, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sure, we fight tooth and nail sometimes. But other times, when it seems like everybody is against us and we've only got each other to help us keep strong, we pull together and I know I can count on you any time to help me out in a sticky situation.
I've got so many good memories of me and you when we were little, honestly. We did some stupid stuff, haha. I remember you thinking you were grown up and clever swimming out of your depth at Perranporth, and then as soon as you realised the waves were too big for you and you couldn't touch the floor you were yelling at me to pull you out. Or that time when you got your legs stuck in seaweed and I had to yank you out of the water then as well, god we god some funny looks. I also remember you smashing my sandcastle on the same day and me chasing you round with a plastic shovel thing, with random kids staring at us. Good times, haha.
I also remember the time when it was me, you, and L (one of my best friends), playing in Grandad's garden. We snook around the side, behind the hedge, then skidded right down that steep bank through the birch trees... Of course, you tumbled into a fat ass patch of nettles and I sliced my arm open on a tree rushing down to get you out, and the only thing L got was a dirty butt. Typical, haha.
I guess you've always been there for me, and I hope we always stay close and don't drift away. You're gonna do well in whatever you chose to do, I can tell.
Don't be a little shit this Christmas, and PLEASE leave the dog outside. Ta! ;)
Love, K x
God, there's so much I could say. You mean the whole world to me and more, even though more often than not you're a little shit and you drag me right through the dirt with you. I guess that's what I get though, for being your big sister, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sure, we fight tooth and nail sometimes. But other times, when it seems like everybody is against us and we've only got each other to help us keep strong, we pull together and I know I can count on you any time to help me out in a sticky situation.
I've got so many good memories of me and you when we were little, honestly. We did some stupid stuff, haha. I remember you thinking you were grown up and clever swimming out of your depth at Perranporth, and then as soon as you realised the waves were too big for you and you couldn't touch the floor you were yelling at me to pull you out. Or that time when you got your legs stuck in seaweed and I had to yank you out of the water then as well, god we god some funny looks. I also remember you smashing my sandcastle on the same day and me chasing you round with a plastic shovel thing, with random kids staring at us. Good times, haha.
I also remember the time when it was me, you, and L (one of my best friends), playing in Grandad's garden. We snook around the side, behind the hedge, then skidded right down that steep bank through the birch trees... Of course, you tumbled into a fat ass patch of nettles and I sliced my arm open on a tree rushing down to get you out, and the only thing L got was a dirty butt. Typical, haha.
I guess you've always been there for me, and I hope we always stay close and don't drift away. You're gonna do well in whatever you chose to do, I can tell.
Don't be a little shit this Christmas, and PLEASE leave the dog outside. Ta! ;)
Love, K x
Saturday 11 December 2010
Day 3 — Your parents
Dear Mutti & Vater,
You are THE most amazing parents, ever. I might be biased, but so what. You brought me up good and proper. You are both my role models in life, and always will be. I am eternally thankful for having you guys as my mum and dad.
No way are you traditional; you swear, you're brutally honest and you both mess around with me and S (my little brother) 24/7. But I think that's the way parents should be; open, friendly and your best friends as well as your parents. Not cold, stern and old-fashioned.
Because of you guys, I am who I am. You two, more than anyone else in the world (apart from my little brother), are closest to my heart. Nothing will ever change that.
Also, another thing I should point out is that you guys being the way you are has lead to me having an awesome friendship with my brother. I see other kids, such as one of my best friends, who never even TALK to their siblings because they hate their guts that much. They snitch on each other, bully each other and don't offer any support at all. With me and S though, it's different. We've always got each others backs, and if anyone messes with the other one it's WW3. I could walk into any fight with him at my back and be confident he wouldn't give up on me, or walk away. I don't give a shit who it is, if they mess with him they've always got me to deal with, and vice versa. We also stand up for each others friends as well, and I know both of my best friends would get their hands dirty for you, little bro. You're a badass brother.
Thanks for giving me everything I've ever asked for, guys, and thanks for all the advice. Thanks for the shoulders to cry on, the gorgeous house we live in, and the support I need to do my very best. You're truly inspirational people, and every achievement I get is for you. I hope I do you proud.
I love you both from the bottom of my heart,
K x
You are THE most amazing parents, ever. I might be biased, but so what. You brought me up good and proper. You are both my role models in life, and always will be. I am eternally thankful for having you guys as my mum and dad.
No way are you traditional; you swear, you're brutally honest and you both mess around with me and S (my little brother) 24/7. But I think that's the way parents should be; open, friendly and your best friends as well as your parents. Not cold, stern and old-fashioned.
Because of you guys, I am who I am. You two, more than anyone else in the world (apart from my little brother), are closest to my heart. Nothing will ever change that.
Also, another thing I should point out is that you guys being the way you are has lead to me having an awesome friendship with my brother. I see other kids, such as one of my best friends, who never even TALK to their siblings because they hate their guts that much. They snitch on each other, bully each other and don't offer any support at all. With me and S though, it's different. We've always got each others backs, and if anyone messes with the other one it's WW3. I could walk into any fight with him at my back and be confident he wouldn't give up on me, or walk away. I don't give a shit who it is, if they mess with him they've always got me to deal with, and vice versa. We also stand up for each others friends as well, and I know both of my best friends would get their hands dirty for you, little bro. You're a badass brother.
Thanks for giving me everything I've ever asked for, guys, and thanks for all the advice. Thanks for the shoulders to cry on, the gorgeous house we live in, and the support I need to do my very best. You're truly inspirational people, and every achievement I get is for you. I hope I do you proud.
I love you both from the bottom of my heart,
K x
Friday 10 December 2010
Day 2 — Your Crush
I presume my boyfriend counts as my crush? Whatever, boyfriend it is.
Dear A,
You are quite possibly the most amazing person I've ever had the luck to meet. I'd call you perfect, but perfection in my eyes is fake, and of course, almost impossible to achieve. So you're imperfect, which makes you ten times more special and unique.
I'd trust you with absolutely anything, including my life. I can talk to you about anything, no matter what it is, without feeling judged or worried that you might turn around and put a knife through my back. I guess this is because we're best friends as well as a couple, and no matter how much we bitch, scrap, fight or argue, we're still stuck together like glue. Cheesy cliché, I know, but it's true.
We've had our bad times and we've had our good times, our weak times and our strong times. We've had times when all we can feel is anger against the other person, and we've also had times when the tears won't stop flowing (for me, anyway). But even though we've been through hell and back, we're still here. Together, and dare I say reasonably happy? I'm placing a question mark there simply because there's not a day that goes by without some kind of drama, big or small. That's just life though.
You tell me I look amazing even when I've only had four hours sleep, I can't be arsed to brush my hair, I've got panda eyes and I'm still wearing my pyjamas. Now, either you've got psychological problems (well, you must have to be able to deal with me) or you must be blind to think that. Either way, to be complimented even when I look and feel like a right shizzle-bag is the loveliest thing in the world. If there were more guys out there that treated girls like you, the world would be much happier place, I'm telling you.
I'll be frank with you; I'm difficult. I'm a moody, pescatarian, badass grammar Nazi who has an obsession for ice-cubes. I'd kill for a blueberry slushie. I read too much, enjoy acting like a smart-ass and I'm always semi-hyper. I doodle on anything and everything, including people. I hate snitches, supply teachers and my hair on a Monday morning. I love the tramp outside Tesco's, I have weird dreams about the Na'vi off Avatar (and other random shit), and I enjoy dancing down corridors singing; 'I whip my penis back & forth, back & forth!' at the top of my voice. Perhaps my one and only redeeming quality is that I'm insanely loyal. Or the fact that I am extremely flexible.
But if anyone, and I mean anyone, can handle me... It's got to be you. You don't ever ask me to change, and you love me for who I am, mad tendencies and all. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.
Dear A,
You are quite possibly the most amazing person I've ever had the luck to meet. I'd call you perfect, but perfection in my eyes is fake, and of course, almost impossible to achieve. So you're imperfect, which makes you ten times more special and unique.
I'd trust you with absolutely anything, including my life. I can talk to you about anything, no matter what it is, without feeling judged or worried that you might turn around and put a knife through my back. I guess this is because we're best friends as well as a couple, and no matter how much we bitch, scrap, fight or argue, we're still stuck together like glue. Cheesy cliché, I know, but it's true.
We've had our bad times and we've had our good times, our weak times and our strong times. We've had times when all we can feel is anger against the other person, and we've also had times when the tears won't stop flowing (for me, anyway). But even though we've been through hell and back, we're still here. Together, and dare I say reasonably happy? I'm placing a question mark there simply because there's not a day that goes by without some kind of drama, big or small. That's just life though.
You tell me I look amazing even when I've only had four hours sleep, I can't be arsed to brush my hair, I've got panda eyes and I'm still wearing my pyjamas. Now, either you've got psychological problems (well, you must have to be able to deal with me) or you must be blind to think that. Either way, to be complimented even when I look and feel like a right shizzle-bag is the loveliest thing in the world. If there were more guys out there that treated girls like you, the world would be much happier place, I'm telling you.
I'll be frank with you; I'm difficult. I'm a moody, pescatarian, badass grammar Nazi who has an obsession for ice-cubes. I'd kill for a blueberry slushie. I read too much, enjoy acting like a smart-ass and I'm always semi-hyper. I doodle on anything and everything, including people. I hate snitches, supply teachers and my hair on a Monday morning. I love the tramp outside Tesco's, I have weird dreams about the Na'vi off Avatar (and other random shit), and I enjoy dancing down corridors singing; 'I whip my penis back & forth, back & forth!' at the top of my voice. Perhaps my one and only redeeming quality is that I'm insanely loyal. Or the fact that I am extremely flexible.
But if anyone, and I mean anyone, can handle me... It's got to be you. You don't ever ask me to change, and you love me for who I am, mad tendencies and all. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.
I love you with every bone in my body.
Love, K x
P.s; I promise you'll get a Christmas card this year.
Love, K x
P.s; I promise you'll get a Christmas card this year.
Thursday 9 December 2010
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Okay, so I'm taking the '30 Day Letter Challenge'. Basically, each day you write a letter to the person who's day it is. Here's the complete list;
Okay, so... here goes nothing.
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Dear L & J,
You're both my best friends, and I couldn't decide which one to write to, so I'm writing to you both. Please excuse the random shit that this letter is bound to contain.
You guys are basically my backbone, my sisters and my role-models. Without you guys, I'd be nowhere, and that is the absolute truth. Hell, if one of you is off school for just one day I feel lost, like my right arm's been cut off and I've been asked to write with my left... Which, as you both know, I can't.
We've had our ups and downs, our tiffs and our moods, but these last few years have been amazing with you both by my side. L, I've known you since we were 4 years old, rolling around in the sand pit throwing sand at each other and calling each other insulting names such as; 'poo-head' and 'smelly'. Those were the days, haha. You haven't changed one bit, you still bully me and you're just as fiery as you were over a decade ago. We fight like sisters, and I love you like one too. You can always read my mind, and when the shit hits the fan you always give it your best and fight like hell to prove you're right. Don't ever change for anyone.
J, I didn't meet you until we went to high school, but that doesn't make you any less special to me. In you I see almost the reflection of myself; hard-working, quiet, humorous and impossibly loyal. You'd never tell anyone any secret of mine, and I know you'd back me even if you knew we wouldn't win. You're an amazing cook, and you give the best ever hugs. Don't you change for anyone, either.
I'm blaming you, L, as the reason I turned out such a rebel. Remember the time we were playing on the logs in primary school, and you shoved me off... Of course, I fell, dragging you with me. That was the day I went to hospital to get my wrist checked out because I was damn sure your bony arse had broken it, but nay, you hadn't. You can say it was accidental all you like, but we both know it's bullshit. It hurt like fuck at the time, but now it's simply hilarious, haha.
J, you're the reason why our food technology lessons are never dull. If it's practical, there's always one disaster or another, ranging from smashing an egg on the floor to almost blowing up the microwave. If it's theory, I get hug-raped, my hair gets braided ten times over (ending up even curlier than it is to start with), and you & a certain boy (who thinks he's funny teasing me; you aren't, by the way. GAME.) always end up having a rubber war which ends in me getting injured because one of you daft sods misses and I get hit by flying bits of eraser. Whenever I see food tech on my planner now, it brightens up my day. Thank you.
By the way guys, we're definitely going camping next year. J, please make sure we bring all the shit we need... I know if we leave it to L it'll get left on the doorstep. L... just don't maim or seriously injure anyone, eh? I love you guys.
Yours truly,
K x
P.s; L, the cheese is in the fridge with the undead monkey. No, I didn't let him out. You want the cheese? Face the monkey. By the way, your stash of chocolate is also inside the fridge. Payback, bitch.
P.p.s; J, next time we're on senior duty, don't let me start my HAIL HITLER act again. Please. Mr. Cox hates me enough already for running down the corridor singing; 'I WHIP MY PENIS BACK & FORTH, BACK & FORTH'.
P.p.p.s; Peace out, guys. I'll see you in the hell hole tomorrow.. ;)
xxxx
· Day 1 — Your Best Friend
· Day 2 — Your Crush
· Day 3 — Your parents
· Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
· Day 5 — Your dreams
· Day 6 — A stranger
· Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
· Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
· Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
· Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
· Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
· Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
· Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
· Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
· Day 15 — The person you miss the most
· Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
· Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
· Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
· Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
· Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
· Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
· Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
· Day 23 — The last person you kissed
· Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
· Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
· Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
· Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
· Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
· Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
· Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Okay, so... here goes nothing.
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Dear L & J,
You're both my best friends, and I couldn't decide which one to write to, so I'm writing to you both. Please excuse the random shit that this letter is bound to contain.
You guys are basically my backbone, my sisters and my role-models. Without you guys, I'd be nowhere, and that is the absolute truth. Hell, if one of you is off school for just one day I feel lost, like my right arm's been cut off and I've been asked to write with my left... Which, as you both know, I can't.
We've had our ups and downs, our tiffs and our moods, but these last few years have been amazing with you both by my side. L, I've known you since we were 4 years old, rolling around in the sand pit throwing sand at each other and calling each other insulting names such as; 'poo-head' and 'smelly'. Those were the days, haha. You haven't changed one bit, you still bully me and you're just as fiery as you were over a decade ago. We fight like sisters, and I love you like one too. You can always read my mind, and when the shit hits the fan you always give it your best and fight like hell to prove you're right. Don't ever change for anyone.
J, I didn't meet you until we went to high school, but that doesn't make you any less special to me. In you I see almost the reflection of myself; hard-working, quiet, humorous and impossibly loyal. You'd never tell anyone any secret of mine, and I know you'd back me even if you knew we wouldn't win. You're an amazing cook, and you give the best ever hugs. Don't you change for anyone, either.
I'm blaming you, L, as the reason I turned out such a rebel. Remember the time we were playing on the logs in primary school, and you shoved me off... Of course, I fell, dragging you with me. That was the day I went to hospital to get my wrist checked out because I was damn sure your bony arse had broken it, but nay, you hadn't. You can say it was accidental all you like, but we both know it's bullshit. It hurt like fuck at the time, but now it's simply hilarious, haha.
J, you're the reason why our food technology lessons are never dull. If it's practical, there's always one disaster or another, ranging from smashing an egg on the floor to almost blowing up the microwave. If it's theory, I get hug-raped, my hair gets braided ten times over (ending up even curlier than it is to start with), and you & a certain boy (who thinks he's funny teasing me; you aren't, by the way. GAME.) always end up having a rubber war which ends in me getting injured because one of you daft sods misses and I get hit by flying bits of eraser. Whenever I see food tech on my planner now, it brightens up my day. Thank you.
By the way guys, we're definitely going camping next year. J, please make sure we bring all the shit we need... I know if we leave it to L it'll get left on the doorstep. L... just don't maim or seriously injure anyone, eh? I love you guys.
Yours truly,
K x
P.s; L, the cheese is in the fridge with the undead monkey. No, I didn't let him out. You want the cheese? Face the monkey. By the way, your stash of chocolate is also inside the fridge. Payback, bitch.
P.p.s; J, next time we're on senior duty, don't let me start my HAIL HITLER act again. Please. Mr. Cox hates me enough already for running down the corridor singing; 'I WHIP MY PENIS BACK & FORTH, BACK & FORTH'.
P.p.p.s; Peace out, guys. I'll see you in the hell hole tomorrow.. ;)
xxxx
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