My Drug

My beating heart he slays so easily,
Biting into it with calm words
And unawareness.
The cool glances, the subtle signs.
I’d spend a million nights pondering,
Oh what did they mean?
Pounding pulse, adrenaline rush,
It’s my rollercoaster.
Or perhaps it’s just my drug.
I keep coming back,
Desperate for more.
To feel the burning pain,
The longing and hurt, icy cold and heartless.
Cut the rope, cut him off, cut him loose,
The easy solution.
Oh, sweet numbness once again would be bliss.
I’d know, though.
I’d crave it, feel the itching under my skin,
Pale scars on my heart, salty tears on my cheeks.
Crawling on hands and knees I’d go back,
Back to the monster who feasted upon my zeal,
Leaving me an empty lifeless shell.
And he’d kiss me, kiss me breathless,
His hands bare flames against my skin.
Tears would still run, and so would blood.
But the sweet oblivion he creates,
With sharp tongue and liquored words,
Slicing through the haze of blurry thoughts that do crowd my mind,
It’d be worth it.
Just for that moment,
One dazzling, agonising, hot white second...
He’d be worth it.


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It's how I feel.

Koralyn.