Storm

It’s a storm, this love,
And He’s the epicentre.
Roiling, twisting, beautifully destructive,
But safe.
He cannot be measured;
Such a sudden breath of fresh air.
There’s no mark scheme, no units, nothing for me to ponder,
It’s instinct.
This isn’t education, it’s creativity.
He has the power to sunder my world,
Turn it grey, blue and black,
But I never wonder
Exactly what it is that holds him in check.
Trust has flowered here,
A bond delicate and white in its purity.
With dusky wings it unfolds -
Curls tentatively around my heart.
It’s a rare blooming rose,
But it’s vines are thornless, painless.
My back is guarded,
My heart shielded from mortal blows.
Like the weather,
The rain as it beats against my window panes,
His presence comforts me.
As long as He is here, I am safe. 

My Drug

My beating heart he slays so easily,
Biting into it with calm words
And unawareness.
The cool glances, the subtle signs.
I’d spend a million nights pondering,
Oh what did they mean?
Pounding pulse, adrenaline rush,
It’s my rollercoaster.
Or perhaps it’s just my drug.
I keep coming back,
Desperate for more.
To feel the burning pain,
The longing and hurt, icy cold and heartless.
Cut the rope, cut him off, cut him loose,
The easy solution.
Oh, sweet numbness once again would be bliss.
I’d know, though.
I’d crave it, feel the itching under my skin,
Pale scars on my heart, salty tears on my cheeks.
Crawling on hands and knees I’d go back,
Back to the monster who feasted upon my zeal,
Leaving me an empty lifeless shell.
And he’d kiss me, kiss me breathless,
His hands bare flames against my skin.
Tears would still run, and so would blood.
But the sweet oblivion he creates,
With sharp tongue and liquored words,
Slicing through the haze of blurry thoughts that do crowd my mind,
It’d be worth it.
Just for that moment,
One dazzling, agonising, hot white second...
He’d be worth it.


---
It's how I feel.

Koralyn. 

stress

Yep. So, all week I've been uber-stressed.

Basically, shit's going down for J - which is making me major upset for her. And I fucked up two of my exams (got the results last thursday).

I got an A* in Biology, C in Chemistry and C in Physics.

What the fuck happened? Ahhh. I feel like bashing my head against the wall. When I got off the bus after getting my results at school, I had a row with mum, came downstairs 5 minutes later, gave her a hug and literally burst out crying. I'm now banned from resits, because she thinks I'm overworking myself and I'm not getting enough sleep.

I guess she's right. I can't keep worrying so hard, because I'll just end up shitting up the rest of my exams in June (that's when I'd be doing the resists for chem and physics).

It still niggles at me that my overall grades are A*/B/B though, for bio, chem & physics respectively. But there is a sort of reason.. I loathe chemistry and physics. Can't do them, no matter how I try.

Biology is a different story - I'm fascinated by it. I'm also taking it for A level. Because I'm interested in it, I guess it comes much more naturally than the other two, and I actually look forward to a biology exam. It feels kind of like a challenge waiting for me to overcome, one that I can actually ROCK out. But in chem/physics, it feels as if I'm staring into a shit black void, about to fall into it... never to return.

ANYWAY. RANT OVER. FUCKING HELL.

Y'know what? I need to draw more. And listen to more music. And eat more too - I've gotten skinnier.

K x

Ps: Through all the shit, my mum brought three prom dresses, just for me to try on (we'd already been out a few days earlier looking for one - no luck) and one of them I've decided is THE ONE. It's a gorgeous teal/blue floor length thingy. I love it.

And it makes my ass look amazing.

Prom

Howdy-do-dar, guys!

Little notice - dropped three pounds through my minor diet efforts. Ha, fail. It's still a certain degree of success though, and my ass is a little smaller, so s'all good. If I put my back into it - like last time - I could lose a stone, I guess. It's only 11 more pounds. But then again, mother hates it if I get near to looking like a stick, so.. yeah.

Half a stone. She might not mind that.

My prom is on the 24th of June - SQUEAL - and my mum's agreed to go prom dress shopping tomorrow, which should be awesome. I want a long dress preferably, and only strapless if I can find a decent strapless bra otherwise HELL NO. Asking for trouble.

Gonna go with deep purple/blue, or maybe something like a cappuccino colour? Something that suits my skin tone, anyway, and set's off my hair. I'm pale with auburn (my mum would be screaming IT'S ALMOST GINGER right now) hair. Kill me now, haaaa.

The prom committee has split into groups to deal with separate areas of the grand shinanigan. I'm sorting out the music with L and a few others, which works out awesome for me. 1) I'm a music nut, and 2) it means I can stop the chav's from playing non-stop Dubstep. We're having a mix of everything, from ABBA to Jessie J, from The Beatles to Eminem & Rihanna. It shall be legendary.

Oh. I also put in Crazy Frog, just to piss everyone off a TAD. Mwahahaaa, me and L shall be hiding at that point in time.

I'm also going to get my make-up done by Mac (£25 for the appointment, aint too bad), my nails done (aint sorted that yet) and my hair - not sure if mum's doing it (she's a hairdresser) or if I'm going to a salon. I know I'm having it up though, hehe.

A fake tan could be on the cards as long as it's guaranteed not to come out looking like I'm from the local curry shop.

Laters, innit.
K x

40 Days

40 days left of school. 40 days to sort my shit out and finish everything.

Yep, I'm screwed.

On another note, I haven't posted here for ages so I thought I'd write something. Mainly for my own mental health of course, since in no way is this beneficial to anyone else out there.

My mum is really into the whole 'sell our house' idea. Our next door neighbours just sold their house for £305,000... so yeah, she's extremely into selling it. She wants to split the money, split from Dad, and buy her own place somewhere else (which'll probably be chav-ville 'cos something like £150,000 won't buy anything in any of the areas round here) with her new dude.

Okay, I made it sound brutal there. Her new dude is awesome, and he's really great. It really isn't all that bad. And I can see the advantages of moving and not having a mortgage, etc, etc. It's just going to be weird, and new, and... I don't know. Strange doesn't seem to quite describe it.

So yeah, I could be moving house soon. Which is fucking crazy to be honest.

And through all the madness, one question sticks in my head; HOW THE FUCK DO WE MOVE MY AQUARIUM?

HAAAA. Nice problem we've got there.

Good luck figuring that one out, people.

Aufedersehen, or however you spell it.
Good night, peace out, chillax.
Smoke weed?
K x