Icky icky, ew eww.
Yep, that's right people - I'm gloriously full of cold again. Yay for me, my body is once again pathogen paradise, and I look like I am contending with Rudolph in the red nose of the year competition.
Today has been my second day off college. It's going to be SO MUCH FUN catching up on all the work I've missed. Actually, I have an idea... I'm gonna go grab my textbooks and make notes on the shit we were supposed to learn today/yesterday. Yes. Ten points for me on being organised.
On another note, my little brother decided to bunk off school for 'no reason at all' today. Our mother is gonna kick his ass so hard when she gets back home tomorrow that he'll have flown over China before his butt touches dirt again. And I, for one, shall laugh.
I did get the little shitbag to apologise via text though. So maybe he'll only fly over.. Sweden. Or maybe Italy.
We'll see.
Loving you and leaving you,
K x
P.S: I'm going to die on the 8th of March. It's results day for the Psych & Biology exams I sat back in January. Ahahahaaaa, fun times.
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Monday 6 February 2012
.
It's grabbing at my ankles every second of every day, whispering in my ear and yanking at my happiness. It burrows holes through my hopes and smashes my dreams like mirrors, then leaves the pieces scattered on the floor in a broken mess. How am I supposed to shield myself from that? Even the biggest wall of compliments, positive thoughts and uplifting lyrics crumbles under the weight of it.
And do you want to know the worst of it? It's rooted in my own decisions, my own mistakes. I constructed my own downfall.
And they always said, you are your own harshest critic - oh boy, I know how true that is. How am I meant to forgive myself when I cut my own arguments as to why I chose this path to smithereens? As soon as they are formed, my own mind slices them into ribbons and pours paraffin on what remains. The flames that burn scour the inside of my brain and I'm left defenceless yet again, bleeding from wounds that are self inflicted.
How does anyone find peace in that? Is it even possible? Because right now, it's beyond me... And I don't know how to change it.
Why didn't I try harder?
Why did I let it slip out of my fingers that damn easily?
It was everything I worked for, everything I wanted for two whole fucking years. And I got the grades, I aced the tests, got places I wanted to be. All of that, just to let it go when I found it hard.
Coward.
Trying harder, even at the cost of my health, would have been worth it not to feel this regret.
And do you want to know the worst of it? It's rooted in my own decisions, my own mistakes. I constructed my own downfall.
And they always said, you are your own harshest critic - oh boy, I know how true that is. How am I meant to forgive myself when I cut my own arguments as to why I chose this path to smithereens? As soon as they are formed, my own mind slices them into ribbons and pours paraffin on what remains. The flames that burn scour the inside of my brain and I'm left defenceless yet again, bleeding from wounds that are self inflicted.
How does anyone find peace in that? Is it even possible? Because right now, it's beyond me... And I don't know how to change it.
Why didn't I try harder?
Why did I let it slip out of my fingers that damn easily?
It was everything I worked for, everything I wanted for two whole fucking years. And I got the grades, I aced the tests, got places I wanted to be. All of that, just to let it go when I found it hard.
Coward.
Trying harder, even at the cost of my health, would have been worth it not to feel this regret.
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